Some of the most quoted words of the Bible are from the Book of Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, verses 1-8:
“For everything there is a season, and
a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up
what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones, and a
time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to
refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.”
All of these seasons are important stages of our lives, whether they are happy or painful, they are all necessary for us to grow and evolve. It is hard though, letting go, moving on, even if it is for the best, it is easier to cling to what once was, to the idea of what once was, instead of the reality of what is now.
I have been going through a phase of culling what no longer brings my soul joy, throwing out or donating all that clutter that somehow manages to accumulate in the bottom drawers, clothes that have never been worn, and so on.
The one thing that I have found especially hard to let go of is a ‘friendship’. I say ‘friendship’ as although I have considered this person a friend for several years, it has become increasingly obvious that they do not feel the same way.
I am not sure if it has always been this way and I am only just noticing it, or if things slowly changed over time, either way, it has been a painful period for me. I am tired of being convenient when you have nothing else to do, tired of being an afterthought. I am a mum, to a gifted son and a much adored foster son, and they are my main focus in life. Unfortunately this person is very self centred, in fact, the last time we caught up, they spent almost two hours talking over the top of me, dissenting everything I said, and after they left, I realised that they had not even asked after me or either of my sons!
In thinking of how disconnected I had become from this person, and wondering how I could fix it, it occurred to me that I didn’t want to fix it. Why should I? I never hear from this person unless I contact them, it is never the other way around. I am not included in their life the way they are in mine. That is not the type of friendship I want to have around me anymore.
So I took a step back and let go. Outwardly nothing has changed, they are still going about their lives as they always did, and I wonder if they even noticed that I stopped trying. Inwardly, it is a whole other story. I am more peaceful. Yes, I may be lonely, but at least I am no longer accepting a rubbish situation.